In the Best Interests of....

My cleo wrote her blog tonight, after a tough couple of days suffering with excruciating pain from her frozen shoulder. You can see it here. Now, one of the things which is all important in any relationship, but moreso in one that relies on a physical element, and especially a pain based one as we do in D/s and BDSM is understanding how ones partner feels, and physically whether they can accept what you may have to offer. I am not talking about that judgement which we make during play, when I am pushing her to a limit, and whether or not I decide to spank her again, or use the flogger or crop once more. What I am talking about is the actual physical state which might allow her to undertake any sort of D/s play. Pain, of the bad kind, that created by (in this case) a severely frozen shoulder is a phenomenon which grinds you down, hour by hour, and day day, until you are at both a physical, and mental breaking point.

At this point the slightest push can create a huge emotional backlash. That's not something we want. So as cleo's Master I have to be aware of this, I need to put my feelings, my wants and needs to one side, and to wrap my slave in cotton wool if needs be, to enable her best to deal with the problems she herself has. We often use the phrase "in the best interests of the slave(or Dom)" depending upon who is saying it. Our relationship is built on several layers, and while D/s is a major and very important factor in what we do, the all consuming single element we have is our love. I love my cleo more than I can possibly express, and as such I have to allow that love to rise to the surface, and to override the D/s needs which we both have.

Within D/s there is a question often asked which is : "How can you hurt someone whom you say you love that much? " Simple answer is that I do it because it satisfies a basic need within both her and me. If she did not receive that pain from me she would be unfulfilled in submission. In many ways the fact that we can do that makes the bond of love we have so much stronger, because we do what do out of our love for each other. There are many D/s relationships which are based purely on physical gratification, rather than love, and i am sure they work well enough, but for me this cannot be the case. I prove my love to cleo, by doing what I do.

To actually physically hurt someone you profess to love also means that I have to "steel" myself to do that. It takes some resolve sometimes, especially in very intense or heavy scening. I used to find that I had this great conflict in my head about hurting her, and whether I might do something which caused her to love me less. Many many times she has told me in no uncertain terms that this cannot happen, although it has taken me nearly three years to get my head round this fact. I have to say, that having found that balance in my head now, I am far more at ease with the Master/slave relationship we have today, than perhaps I was with the original Dom/sub one we had 3 years ago.

Time allows us to explore and understand both our own feelings, and those of our partner, and while many relationships seem to work without that understanding (because they are more casual in their basis) I fervently believe that those kinds cannot be as rewarding mentally as that which cleo and I now have.

Thank you my cleo, for making me the person I am today, and you may be assured that I always act in the best interests of my slave, and I always will.